Why I dropped off the face of the earth (publicly) the last couple years

I'm Brooke!

At Intuitive Warrior, we provide coaching, community and courses to HSPs around the world so that they can find the profound gifts in what they thought were the worst parts of themselves.

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If you’ve been around for quite some time, thank you! I’m sorry I went quiet after years of regular sharing with you. And if you’re newer here, welcome!

I’m finally ready to share my story from the last couple years, both because I believe in vulnerability and also because I hope that something in my story may support you in your own journey.

Ready? Here’s why I dropped off the face of the earth (publicly) the last couple years:

Let’s go back to the end of 2021. I had launched a live round of my program, The Liberated HSP, a few months before. While the launch had some bumps, it was thrilling to bring a special group of people through something I’d worked so hard to create.

On the outside, everything was sailing along fine. On the inside, though, something felt very, very wrong.

I had started noticing changes in myself over the course of 3-4 months:

– I was deeply fatigued.

– I felt emotionally heavy- certain days I felt almost depressed.

– I had sinus and allergy symptoms that struck randomly and made me feel like I had the flu.

– I felt like someone had turned off my power button and my inner “juice” was just…gone.

At first, I pushed harder, trying to complete my to-do list, working out with intensity, keeping all my deadlines (if you’re a trauma surviver, you may recognize this response to stress).

I’ve always been “high functioning” and simply couldn’t make sense of what was going on. Whatever I tried backfired. Even when I took naps or went to bed early, I became more and more tired. It felt like I was stuck in mud, unable to move no matter how hard I tried.

After my bloodwork came back normal and my PCP had no suggestions, I went to a gifted integrative doctor.

I’ll never forget her saying to me, “You’re aging at an accelerated rate. It’s as though you’re driving around with a tiger in the backseat”.

I felt horrified….but also, deeply relieved to have someone validate what I’d been experiencing.

It was time to be honest with myself and name how I’d gotten to this point:

1. From 2018-2021, I created, launched and ran two programs for Intuitive Warrior. These were so fun and creatively fulfilling! And yet…I was operating in a way that wasn’t supportive of how I’m wired.

Gosh that’s humbling- my entire life’s work is about validating sensitives’ needs to operate in different ways than non-HSPS. And yet, here was a blind spot where I could not see that I was pushing myself too hard, to my own detriment.

2. I had experienced a big loss in 2016 that I hadn’t fully grieved. Isn’t it amazing how those things stick around in our bodies and psyches until we’re ready to address them?

Again, this is a principle I know full well, but I couldn’t see how my overworking was a type of escapism from unprocessed pain.

3. During Covid, I had fallen into some of the common empath traps– without meaning to, I had started to carry the weight of the world.

4. My nervous system had never fully learned how to rest, and that takes a toll after 4 decades! Although I was waaaaaaay more grounded and embodied than I was 10-15 years ago, there was still a degree of “go-go-go mode” that had never left me.

(If light bulbs are going off for you, yes, being in “go mode” most of the time can be a trauma response).

This was my turning point.

While I now understood why I had gotten to this point, I needed to help my exhausted body, heart and mind slowly, excruciatingly, recover.

Over the next 6-9 months, I changed almost everything about the way I operated. I worked on my health, took so many naps, cried unshed tears, and slooooowwwwwed down.

I painfully decided to let my amazing team go and worked solely 1-on-1 with clients. Pausing my group programs, halting plans to start a podcast and online community, and even letting go of these emails, was scary.

I felt like I was at the edge of a precipice, not sure whether I was about to plummet to my death, or fly.

Looking back, I’d say I experienced both.

While I’m gratefuly on the other side of that harrowing journey, here are some of the lessons I took from my dark night of the soul:

  • If you grew up in an unsafe environment (physically and/or emotionally), you may still be operating from a low level of fight/flight without realizing it. Even those of us who have done a lot of self growth work can still have this nervous system pattern running in the background.
  • It can be really scary to drop into rest, deep rest, for the first time.
  • It’s extremely vulnerable to let go of identities we’re attached to (“I’m a high achiever!” “I can get through anything!”). If we can tolerate the discomfort, though, there’s profound freedom on the other side.
  • Energetic hygiene practices aren’t optional for HSPs; we really, truly need them to thrive.
  • Even when we think we’ve accepted our sensitivity/neurodivergence, there may be sneaky ways we’re still denying our true nature.
  • This journey of growth and self knowledge is infinite; there is no finish line. I find this so liberating! No one has to graduate or become an enlightened sage; we just get to keep becoming more and more ourselves.

I plan to be more in touch moving forward. I’m not going to commit to a frequency or regularity of emails, but I can say that connection with you is now possible for me (yay!).

If you feel so inspired, you might consider or journal about 1. whether your nervous system struggles to fully rest, and 2. where you may be subtly denying your true nature.

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Hi, I'm Brooke.
Your HSP Friend + Cheerleader.

Most of us HSPs grew up feeling "too sensitive", "too much" and at the same time, not enough. My mission is to help challenge those perceptions so that you see the gifts in what you thought were the worst parts of yourself. 

Around here I bring my expertise as a trauma-informed therapist to give you tips and tools for throwing off low self-esteem and living a life grounded in your authentic self. 

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