For as long as I can remember, one of the hardest parts of being sensitive is what I call “empathy overload“. 

It’s the feeling of being too absorptive for this world, like a human sponge.

When I was 8 years old, I went to the movies and the main character hurt his back really badly. I still remember the shock and horror I felt when the character’s injury happened.

I can’t remember if I cried, sat frozen through the rest of the movie, or had to leave the theater. But I know I was distraught for the rest of the day. 

I remember childhood often felt like a minefield- I didn’t know when I would see or hear the next upsetting thing that would shake me to my core.

I’ve spent the last decade learning to work with my profound empathy, but things got intense when the pandemic hit (read about why I dropped off the face of the earth here!)

I’ll never forget going to Safeway in April of 2020. I walked down the spice aisle and passed a middle aged woman wearing a mask. Even though I couldn’t see most of her face, I saw terror in her eyes and felt it in her body.

I froze. I felt her fear, and then my body reacted as if it was my own..

The woman’s fear stayed with me for the rest of the day; I was felt awful.

The next day, I knew exactly what had happened to me. I had absorbed the emotions and energy of that woman.

But WHY??

Why had that happened??

Why are Highly Sensitive People susceptible to absorbing others’ emotion??

I’ve got 3 guesses:

Reason 1: we’re wired this way.

HSPs are more “open”- emotionally, energetically and spiritually to the world around us. 

One reason for this is that HSPs seem to have more responsive mirror neurons.

Mirror neurons are special brain cells that “light up” when we see someone else performing an action, making our brain simulate the experience as if we were doing the same thing.

In the case of the woman in the grocery store, my mirror neurons picked up her fear and gave me that same experience in my own body.

When I watched that movie as a kid, my mirror neurons made me feel the imagined experience of that injured person.

In other words, HSP’s brains are primed to feel others’ feelings.

Reason 2: many of us were trained to be like this.

In my 15 years experience supporting HSPs, I’ve noticed that a lot of us grew up in families (or around peers, coaches, teachers) where there was a level of emotional unpredictability. 

For example, if your mom went through bouts of depression, or your sibling flew into a rage at the drop of a hat, your brilliant brain knew it was smart to pay close attention to the moods of those around you.

We unconsciously put our sensitive abilities to good use: if you could notice that someone wasn’t okay, it may have let you prepare or protect yourself.

Reason 3: stress makes us more susceptible to taking on the weight of the world.

Like everyone in 2020, I was scared. I didn’t know what Covid meant for my life or those I cared about. Because of that stress and dysregulation, I was much more vulnerable to taking on a stranger’s emotion.

Let’s recap: stress, mirror neurons and high empathy, plus a habit of being hyper-aware of how people are feeling can make us susceptible to absorbing the moods of others.

Read that again: stress, mirror neurons and high empathy, plus a habit of being hyper-aware of how people are feeling can make us susceptible to absorbing the moods of others.

I hope that hearing my story assures you that you’re not alone in this struggle. Every HSP I’ve ever met has to contend with this, and luckily, there are quite a few ways to find freedom.

I don’t mean that we can suddenly not be sensitive (and who would want that anyway?!), but there are a surprising number of things we can do to strengthen our personal protection and boundaries.

If you haven’t watched my free workshop, Break Free from Empathy Overload you can find it here! It’s a great place to start learning how to manage this dynamic.

I hope you have some compassion and understanding for your sensitive self today!