For as long as I can remember, one of the hardest parts of being sensitive is what I call “empathy overload.” It’s not just feeling someone’s joy or sadness, it’s absorbing it, sometimes to the point where it becomes difficult to distinguish between their emotions and my own. It’s as if I’m a human sponge, soaking up the feelings and energies around me, whether I want to or not.

As a therapist specializing in working with highly sensitive people, I’ve spent years helping clients navigate the challenges that come with this heightened empathy. My personal experiences with empathy overload inform much of my work, and I’ve seen how common it is among HSPs to struggle with emotional overwhelm. This deep sensitivity is a gift, but without the right tools, it can become incredibly draining.

I’ve always known I was different in this way. From a young age, I experienced emotional intensity that seemed to surpass those of the people around me. I can still recall moments where the weight of someone else’s pain or discomfort became my own.

When I was 8 years old, I went to the movies and saw a scene where the main character hurt his back really badly. Even though it was fictional, the intensity of his injury was like a bolt of lightning to my nervous system. The shock and horror I felt in that moment are as vivid today as they were then. It was as if my body had absorbed his pain, even though nothing had physically happened to me. I was distraught for the rest of the day, unable to shake the discomfort.

Childhood often felt like a minefield. I didn’t know when I would encounter the next upsetting thing that would shake me to my core. My environment, whether it was a schoolyard argument or a distressing scene on TV, felt like a constant emotional landscape I had to navigate with great caution.

The pandemic made things worse

Over the past decade, I’ve worked diligently to understand and manage my empathy, but things reached an entirely new level when the pandemic hit. The collective fear, anxiety, and uncertainty that gripped the world were palpable. And for those of us who are highly sensitive, the emotional weight of it all was amplified. We weren’t just coping with our own fears—we were taking on the energy of everyone around us.

I’ll never forget one experience that perfectly encapsulates this. It was April 2020, and I was in Safeway, picking up groceries. I walked down the spice aisle and passed a middle-aged woman wearing a mask. Her eyes caught mine, and even though most of her face was covered, I could feel the terror emanating from her. It was as though her fear leapt from her body into mine. My chest tightened, my stomach dropped, and I was frozen in place for a moment. Her terror became my terror, and my body responded as if I were the one facing danger.

That fear stayed with me for the rest of the day. I carried it home, felt it in my body, and couldn’t shake the heaviness. The next day, I reflected on what had happened. It became clear that my sensitive nervous system had absorbed her emotions like a sponge. It wasn’t just an empathetic reaction—it was full absorption, to the point where her experience had become my own.

Why Does Empathy Overload Happen?

But why? Why do highly sensitive people experience this? Why is it so easy for us to take on the emotions of others, often without realizing it until we’re already overwhelmed?

After working with highly sensitive people (HSPs) for over 15 years, I’ve come to believe there are a few key reasons for this.

Reason 1: We’re Wired This Way

Research suggests that HSPs have more responsive mirror neurons, which are special brain cells that “light up” when we observe someone else’s actions or emotions. These neurons allow us to mirror the emotional or physical experience of another person. In essence, our brains simulate their experience, making it feel like our own. So when I passed that woman in the grocery store, my mirror neurons picked up her fear and created the same experience in my own body. And when I watched that movie as a child, my mirror neurons made me feel the character’s pain as though I had experienced it myself. This neurological wiring makes us especially prone to empathy overload.

Reason 2: Many of Us Were Trained to Be Hypervigilant

In my experience working with HSPs, I’ve noticed that many of us grew up in environments where there was emotional unpredictability. Whether it was a parent going through periods of depression or a sibling prone to emotional outbursts, we learned to be acutely aware of the moods and feelings of those around us. 

This hyper-awareness, developed as a survival mechanism in our early years, remains with us into adulthood. It becomes second nature to pick up on the subtlest emotional cues, often without conscious awareness, and this can make us highly susceptible to taking on others’ emotions. And if we have trauma in our backgrounds, it can be even harder to stay in our own energy rather than drifting into the emotions of others.

Reason 3: Stress Amplifies Our Sensitivity

In times of stress, our already heightened sensitivity becomes even more pronounced. The uncertainty of the pandemic, combined with personal fears for ourselves and loved ones, made it even easier for HSPs to absorb the emotions of those around us. Our nervous systems were already on high alert, making us more vulnerable to the emotional weight of the world.

This combination—stress, responsive mirror neurons, and the habit of emotional hypervigilance—creates the perfect storm for empathy overload. It’s no wonder that so many HSPs have struggled with this dynamic, especially during such globally stressful times.

How to Manage Empathy Overload

If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Every HSP I’ve ever met has had to contend with this challenge at some point in their life. But the good news is that there are ways to navigate and manage this heightened empathy.

I don’t believe the solution is to stop being sensitive. In fact, I believe our sensitivity is a gift, one that allows us to connect deeply with others and offer a level of compassion that’s needed in the world. But it’s crucial to develop practices that help us protect our energy and create healthy boundaries.

If this speaks to you and you’d like to learn more about how to manage empathy overload, I invite you to check out my free workshop, Break Free from Empathy Overload. It’s specifically designed to help highly sensitive people navigate this challenge and start creating more emotional space for themselves. I hope this story helps you feel a sense of understanding and compassion for your own sensitive self today.